Things I would not be allowed to do if I was aboard Battlestar Galactica

I ran across a forum board recently that completely cracked me up. It has a clever list of “Things I Am Not Allowed To Do Aboard Galactica” with more than a thousand offerings from Battlestar Galactica fans. Some of them are downright side-splitting funny, well at least to me, and they inspired me to write up my own list of things that I, personally, would not be allowed to do aboard the Battlestar Galactica. Below is my list so far…

If I were aboard Galactica, I would not be allowed to…

• Use Admiral Adama’s bunk for afternoon naps
  - Doing so would DEFINITELY net me a one-way ticket to an unplanned, sans-pressure-suit EVA ala Madame President Roslin
  - Besides, Madame President is probably already there
  - And she may have been practicing at the shooting range since the Starbuck incident
• Fake cough under my breath “Haircut!” at Lee Adama when I see him
  - Even though he needs one … badly
• Place signs on all airlocks saying “Tory Foster Fan Club Meeting”
  - Even if she has it coming
  - I’m not allowed to punch her either, but I am allowed to cheer on anyone else who chooses to do so
• Ask Col. Tigh to clarify if he’s winking or blinking at me
  - Even if I really can’t tell
• Suggest Mr. Gaeta replace the Cylon ship icons on DRADIS with cartoon toasters with wings
  - No matter how much I loved the old Flying Toaster screensaver
  - Plus, they wouldn’t seem so menacing
• Ask any Centurions if “They’ll be back.”
  - I’m not allowed to tell them “I’ll be back” either
  - But I can tell them I’m not Sarah Connor and I don’t know anyone named John Connor
• Start a public awareness campaign warning Cylons of the danger of sleeping with Gaius Baltar
  - Even if it can be argued that most have wigged out afterward to some degree or another
• Examine Hera Agethon’s scalp for the mark of the beast
  - Despite the fact she gives me the willies
• Put up missing posters for Boxey
  - Like anybody cares anyway
• Refer to Colonial One as the Tool Chest or Tool Shed
  - Even if the quorum members have repeatedly proved themselves a bunch of tools
• Grin like a fool when I see the Admiral and Madame President together
  - Even if Adama can’t help but do so himself
  - Even if Roslin is struck by the same urge and succumbs
  - Even if I’ve seen a marine guard do it
  - Even if it is one of the most awesome love stories ever

Please Note: Any similarities to those mentioned at the forum linked above is purely coincidental, but if someone should feel as though my thoughts infringed upon theirs, then contact me and I’ll remove it post haste.